When the Relationship Pros and Con List Isn’t Enough

Susan Dye used to befuddle me. For the longest time I couldn’t put a finger on it. In fact, it took me almost two years before it hit me like a brick.  When her husband, Joe, was around, she was sweet and held a certain posture. When it was just the two of us, she slouched and spoke ill of our friends. It wasn’t much longer before I realized that this Susan was the same Susan that broke the Billy’s heart.

Billy was the complete opposite of his brother.  Despite having come from money, Billy purchased his clothes at charity thrift shops and reportedly lived in a cave at one time. His brother on the other hand enjoyed the company of the local businessmen. Billy was so in love with Susan, but he was dumped for Joe, the college quarterback. Billy sent several dozen red roses and his gesture of love was met with jeers and sarcastic put downs. I met Billy during the aftermath and I met Susan and Joe a few years later.

There is a point to this story. You may know someone who judges others and when you walk away you wonder if that person is talking about you.  There may be a friend that only knows you when they need something or don’t have anything else to do. Perhaps, there is a friend or relative that bases the relationship on the financial value of their friends or potential mates. All of these examples are about people who have conditions placed on  their relationships. The question is, “Do you want to continue in a conditional relationship?”

Unconditional love expects nothing. To unconditionally love oneself, one must expect nothing of themselves.. Meaning, you do not have to give away any part of you or settle for anything less than what rings true for you. Unconditional love is not just for others, it is for Self, too. We often find understanding and compassion for others when they have hurt us, yet, we lack in the willingness to do this for our Self.

Consider if you are supported or are you chastised? Can you sit in silence with this person, or is there discomfort?  Do you both keep score? Do either of you keep your options open for a better gig?  Are suggestions made on how you should speak or what words you should use?  Maybe, this person picks out your clothes for you or suggests you do things that are uncomfortable.

Being uncomfortable is the Soul’s way of telling you that something is wrong. Since most of us have forgotten how to listen to our Soul, it uses our body to convey messages with sensations.  Most of us are familiar with stomach aches or tension headaches, but we have lost the ability to feel the good vibes, too.

Deciding on whether to continue a relationship or move on requires courage and the faith in knowing that whatever happens, you will be better than you were before the decision. After making your list of good and not so good, sit in a quiet place and allow your body to completely relax. Then say, “Higher Self, is this XXX good for me?” You can change the question to reflect what it is you want to know. Your Higher Self knows what is best for you; it may not be what you want, but it will be what you need.