I Have Wasted Too Much Time Doing Nothing

There are moments when the realization that I have only so many moments to live grips me so tightly I feel my chest restricting.  I have no idea as to how long I will live or if I will be able to live my life fully or if I will be diminished by disease or injury.  The pressure is not only to live each minute by active choice, there is an urgency to this realization that time is of the essence and every minute should be one lived in unconditional love for all life.  By all life I also mean the ones most humans would rather they die or disappear.

It is easy to come home from work and feel the need to decompress and store energy.  What I have come to observe is how we decompress and charge our energy is more important than how long or why.  Tuning into an episode of Reign or checking e-mail and other messages are physically and mentally depleting. I do not really know why, I just know that once I engage in a passive activity, all of my energies are zapped.  My energies include my physical energy, my emotional, my spiritual and my Energy body.  I come to a state of, “It doesn’t matter” or “I don’t care”.  Sad, but true.

Passive activity is not the only energy zapper that prevents me from living my life to the fullest, foods can literally leave me lethargic.   I must set my intentions to snack or eat only organic, fresh foods as to do otherwise leaves me as zapped more so than the passive activities.  Restaurant food is almost always processed and or packaged and full of refined sugar and wheat leaving me incredibly lethargic and lazy, I feel a guilty for I know that I had a choice and I allowed my Outer Self to rule as opposed to allowing my Inner Self to rule. The Inner Self is the only one that matters.

It is not the years in your life but the life in your years that counts. ~ Adlai Stevenson

There is absolutely no way I can be of service to myself, my family or the anyone or anything if I am not caring for my energetic body as well as my physical host to my Spirit.  Wow, it is a powerful revelation to realize our energetic body is not on automatic pilot, but should be cared for, fed and nurtured by our life choices.  It seemed far easier to do when I was young and the most difficult years of self care seem to be of late. Yet, why that is so needs exploring. Right now, I am not concerning myself with why, but what am I going to do about this urgency to not live in the past or future or live a life by existing.

To sit and exist scares the hell out of me.  It  renders me to a state of grieving and guilt.  There is a part of me that is very aware that I am here in service to the Infinite Creator.  It moves me to joyful tears and in moments I feel as if I have failed as a human I cry tears of sadness for I disappoint myself.  I forgive myself, but I cannot use forgiveness as an act to excuse me from further separation. We are all part of All That Is and each time I do not respect my Self, I am not respecting any other life. To honor myself is to honor my Ancestors, blood and otherwise. To honor my body, soul, mind and spirit is to honor all life in the Universe for it is from where we all originate.

We begin life wishing to experience life.  “Let there Be Light.”  And so it is. We choose to come to Earth to learn and be an experience of the Infinite Creator. To learn is to move up higher in frequency to the Infinite.  To live each moment in life is an opportunity to choose to live for All Life in Service in unconditional love.  Those most deem “bad” or “evil” are those very souls who need our unconditional love and our Blessings. We are All One, therefore to love and bless those less aware or those still living in a lower frequency are us as well.  “I am That…. I AM.”   I am that person, I am that object.  I am that lover, that sinner, that great person, that person who needs direction.  I am That…. I AM.”

Life is without meaning.
You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is whatever you ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
– Joseph Campbell


To make the best of every moment does not have to be momentous.  To rise and give thanks is a beginning.  If something hits a nerve, allow the time to understand and learn of its roots, its cause as opposed to reacting in a manner that is less than unconditional love. To sit outside with one’s morning ritualistic drink communing with Nature is a start.  On the walk from the car to the front door of work or an appointment pick up trash.  I can make it a point to not only smile at the receptionist, but be sure to look more deeply in her or his eyes. I will keep the television or computer off and take longer walks, and perhaps, begin to learn a new language or sit in silence to hear the part of me that is waiting for me.  The point is to begin to allow the part of me that resides in my heart to choose activity as opposed to the depleting and destructive energies of television, computers and others who have an opinion of how I should serve or live and of course, temper the news.

This above all, to thine own self be true.
– William Shakespeare

I and only I,  am responsible for the choices I make, how I react to life in every moment and how I live every moment.  Each breath I breathe is a gift of life. How I direct that breath, in what direction I send that breath is in every thought I make.  I do not want the last breath that I take looking back at the many, many moments in my life that was wasted either by being useless or making a choice that did not benefit life in some form.  I must choose and intend to be aware of every thought, every action, whether it is passive or not.  I am a child of the Creator. I am One with the Creator and with everyone who reads this blog. I intend to allow my Inner Self to live as opposed to my Outer Self, the one that is of the 3rd dimension, the Ego. I cannot blame food or the television or computer. It is up to me, Anita, to begin to live in harmony with the Inner Self, Shek-in-ah (my Spirit name), and make conscious choices to live as One with All for I desire to feel the part of me that is One with All, loving and serving with humility and grace.

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.
– Helen Keller

I realize I have spent many years trying to live my life as I thought others expected me to just to have the rug pulled out from under me.  This pattern of re-direction offers me the guidance that whom I serve is greater than the me everyone sees.  I am often reminded that I AM only responsible for me, my life and whom and how I choose to serve.  Without wasting any more precious breaths, I now make the intention to love myself and all life unconditionally, live my life being responsible to only me (with respect to others and all life) and to live a life of service.  There will be many changes for me, but I hold great Faith that I am supported and loved by those Seen and Unseen.  Every breath is a gift of God and in my humble gratitude, I return this gift by conscientiously living every moment.




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